End of the world

Nigh, or just another false start?

Parts of Hell were rocked today by claims that Armageddon is finally here.  The startling announcement was made by an eminent eschatologist from the Fourth Circle after reading reports in yesterday’s Demon’s Digest about the romantic encounter between a mid-level demon and Dean Winchester.

“Forget famine, war, earthquakes: every generation has these and only the least rigorous scholars attach any weight to them as signs of the End,” explained Frappuccino to our End-Times Correspondent-in-Chief, Maraschino.  “Signs for this generation were looking promising – the Whore of Babylon has appeared, even if she is currently incognito in a small roadside bar – but proof was inconclusive until the events of two nights ago, when Dean Winchester kissed a demon.”

Fellow Armageddon authority, Macchiato, slams Frapuccino's theory as the worst sort of irresponsible nonsense.  “This is not the first kiss between Dean Winchester and a demon,” he argues.  “You didn’t see the end of the world after that one – why now?”

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Inside today's exciting issue of Demons' Digest:

Your ideal match: how to spot the one you'll spend eternity tormenting.  Page 4

'Listening to your inner demon' - Part 3 of our guide to being the best demon you can be. Page 6.

"Winchesters destroyed my career." Read this demon's heart-rending account - but have your hankies ready.  Page 5.

Plus your horoscope, all the latest obituaries, and more!

Who’s doing who? 

Your infallible guide to the latest demon dating news

Demons’ Digest is told by an insider that a certain demon got a little more than she bargained for the other night when meeting Dean Winchester.  His disinclination to allow her to leave after some hot Winchester-on-demon sex was not, as she has led us to believe, due to her irresistible charms, but more to her “attentive lover’s” (“Dean is so attentive to a girl’s needs,” she sighed yesterday) intention that once she’d come, she went.  On a permanent trip.  When confronted by this charge, the demon in question denied it categorically; ‘Oh, he was definitely up for some long-term action,’ she smirked.    

Given that Dean Winchester is hotter than Circles 3 through 5 combined, the smirk is understandable.  And as long as she keeps telling the very detailed story of sex with Dean Winchester, it is this writer's belief that her continued popularity at demonic wine-and-cheese parties remains assured.  Bitch.

Does your hellhound let you down in public?

Are you:

• Sick of dealing with non-aggression issues? 

• Embarrassed by his friendliness?

• Mortified by his refusal to bite your neighbours?

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